The games of love
I read a post on NSSG's blog about the chase. I started to think about it and why is it that we feel a need to play games. Nice guys are hard to come by and when they do why aren't we straight forward and honest about it then to play games wherein we leave when we'd want to stay, sit and think about the guy and not call cause you would not want to seem desperate, hang up when you'd want to talk a little more and be mysterious just to seem interesting.
Hmm.. who was the one to start this games and why did he. Was it that he was hurt in love and didn't want to suffer once again that he build the walls around him or just some test that he wanted the other to pass to be able to be with him. And if that was the case did he think he was worthy enough of putting someone else through those test?
I believe only a very strong and confident person would be able to put his heart out in the open for the other person to read it and when he does that does he cross the line between confidence and desperation. Where is the line and how do you measure it. I am sure every person has his own measure of that line.
From my experience I know that Mr Big wanted all the attention and loved to be showered with thoughtful gifts. For him the amount of time we spent and little acts of thoughtfulness were the measure of love. That was the lesson I learned from my first relationship and I thought that was my measure of love too. But then Mr Oz hated gifts!! Our time in Bali was great until I gifted him some stuff on Valentine's that I bought for him. He said no one in his family exchanged gifts on Christmas and that he only appreciated thoughtful gifts and there was a reason behind it. Now how did he measure my thoughtfulness or unthoughtfulness (is that even a word) behind the gifts. I spent so many hours looking for just the perfect gifts for him and he was dismissive and angry to put it politely.
That is when I questioned what my idea of love was or was I still under the layer of conditioning about love from my last relationship. I found out I was, and that I needed to discover my idea of love but that meant preparing a new set of tests that I would want my future love interests to pass before I let my guard down!! So the rest of the time I was in Bali I had to play the games that people play in love and it drained me.
I am single as of now and so don't need to play the games but whenever I do meet someone in the future I hope there in less games and more honesty and intimacy in the relationship. I hope that the time we would be wasting in playing the games would be put to good use being in each others company and enjoying the blessing of love.
Photo Credits: Loopeh, DathFar
Hmm.. who was the one to start this games and why did he. Was it that he was hurt in love and didn't want to suffer once again that he build the walls around him or just some test that he wanted the other to pass to be able to be with him. And if that was the case did he think he was worthy enough of putting someone else through those test?
I believe only a very strong and confident person would be able to put his heart out in the open for the other person to read it and when he does that does he cross the line between confidence and desperation. Where is the line and how do you measure it. I am sure every person has his own measure of that line.
From my experience I know that Mr Big wanted all the attention and loved to be showered with thoughtful gifts. For him the amount of time we spent and little acts of thoughtfulness were the measure of love. That was the lesson I learned from my first relationship and I thought that was my measure of love too. But then Mr Oz hated gifts!! Our time in Bali was great until I gifted him some stuff on Valentine's that I bought for him. He said no one in his family exchanged gifts on Christmas and that he only appreciated thoughtful gifts and there was a reason behind it. Now how did he measure my thoughtfulness or unthoughtfulness (is that even a word) behind the gifts. I spent so many hours looking for just the perfect gifts for him and he was dismissive and angry to put it politely.
That is when I questioned what my idea of love was or was I still under the layer of conditioning about love from my last relationship. I found out I was, and that I needed to discover my idea of love but that meant preparing a new set of tests that I would want my future love interests to pass before I let my guard down!! So the rest of the time I was in Bali I had to play the games that people play in love and it drained me.
I am single as of now and so don't need to play the games but whenever I do meet someone in the future I hope there in less games and more honesty and intimacy in the relationship. I hope that the time we would be wasting in playing the games would be put to good use being in each others company and enjoying the blessing of love.
Photo Credits: Loopeh, DathFar
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