Signs

Do u believe in 'signs'? I do!!

By 'signs' I don't mean the encoded messages that people use in a relationship to get their point across without having to say it, by signs I mean the invisible billboards that point towards the direction you should be following in life, love or otherwise. As far as I can remember I have been a sucker for signs. I have tried to follow my intuition interpreting random occurrences as 'signs' and still do. I have got into trouble as a result of that. Relationships that seemed like divine plans with all the right signs fell apart bit by bit but still I haven't been able to let go of my sign addiction. But I still believe that God tries to put subtle messages all around us pointing to the path and if we keep our 'eyes' open we see them loud and clear. 

Like when I met Mr Oz I saw all the right signs which would point towards him and that's how the idea of the relationship started. Bali had been like a constant thought at the back of my mind and I didn't know why as I had never seen or read anything about it. I saw Mr Oz's profile on a website and he had mentioned Bali in one of his messages there. Then somehow we got talking and one thing let to another. We decided to meet and he was to come to India but that didn't work out because he couldn't let go of his passport for the Visa thing because he needed it all the time being a Flight Attendant. Finally we decided to meet up at Bali which was the ideal place for both of us. Now was that a sign of just as it is said in the book 'Secrets' that we attract our future based on our thoughts. (I haven't read the book but that's what I seemed to have gathered from the previews about it). There are so many instances I could talk about like the most recent ones based on which I have decided to try moving to Australia to study, which may or may not happen but atleast I would know that I followed the sign. 

On the other hand the 'signs' that people in relationship use is a completely different story. I have never been good at those kinda signs. I did get some lessons in signs during my relationship with Mr Big who was a 'player' and loved the game of signs but ever since then signs have been a big turn off for me. Maybe it's because I am such a lousy player at the game. I rather say it loud or just keep quiet then play the signs game. I ignored all the sings of the relationship falling apart and payed for my denial and it is because of that I have started to read too much into the actions and words of my partners ever since. As a result I have tried to build a impenetrable wall around me emotionally which is hard to break and causes my relationships to suffer.

On the trip to Bali Mr Oz and I had our first 'fight' about something really stupid. We decided to forgive and forget but he went ahead and totally ignored me the next day showing more interest in the driver and the tour guides who were his friends. Later he confessed that he did that out of anger and that broke something inside me. I had told him the day before that as things weren't working out we should not be sharing the same hotel room and I decided to move out but he didn't agree to it and got all emotional and the next he went ahead and fucked it all up. We did stay together for the entire 14 days period but that is the only bad memory that I carry from my most enjoyable holiday ever. The rest I have decided to forget and forgive.

I am still looking for 'signs'!!!!

Photo Credits: Enjeru