The pleaser
Is it normal to want a thing bad and then you finally have it to develop cold feet. I have felt this way very often. At times I feel that I am a pleaser. I have always want people to like me. Maybe it's got something to do with being ostracized as a child. I was in a boarding school and was the loner who never would play any games or get into fights. I had very few friends and if that wasn't enough there was the sexual abuse that I was subjected to. All these circumstances kept pushing me further into my shell and it took me a long time to wash away the conditioning of those dreadful years. As a result if anyone showed a little bit of interest in me and made me feel special I'd be on cloud nine. Invariably the acts weren't in good faith and there was always a ulterior motive behind people being nice.
I think I still haven't got out of that mindset. Though I am a little more cautious I don't take long to get into and then get out of a relationship. Even while I am in a relationship the compulsion of having other people to like me messes things up. I also feel that once I have someone and they like me I tend to not want them anymore and knowingly or unknowingly I'd do things that are detrimental to the relationship. There was a time when I had started to believe that I was a nymphomaniac and all I wanted from a relationship was sex. But ever since then I have been without sex for so long that I think otherwise now. But I do believe that a relationship cannot last long if the sex is bad or doesn't flow like it should.
I think I still haven't got out of that mindset. Though I am a little more cautious I don't take long to get into and then get out of a relationship. Even while I am in a relationship the compulsion of having other people to like me messes things up. I also feel that once I have someone and they like me I tend to not want them anymore and knowingly or unknowingly I'd do things that are detrimental to the relationship. There was a time when I had started to believe that I was a nymphomaniac and all I wanted from a relationship was sex. But ever since then I have been without sex for so long that I think otherwise now. But I do believe that a relationship cannot last long if the sex is bad or doesn't flow like it should.
While writing about all this stuff today I remembered these lines by Kahlil Gibran:
It is not enough to be virtuous
When nothing comes in your way,
Where from without and within
No voice of sin
Is luring your soul away;
But it is only a negative virtue
Until it is tried with fire
And the life that is worth
The honours of the Earth-
Is the one that resists desire!
When nothing comes in your way,
Where from without and within
No voice of sin
Is luring your soul away;
But it is only a negative virtue
Until it is tried with fire
And the life that is worth
The honours of the Earth-
Is the one that resists desire!
In the past few days I have seen 2 very intersting movies. The first was The Namesake by Mira Nair (director of movies like Kama Sutra, Monsoon Wedding, Vanity Fair and the upcoming Shantaram starring Johnny Depp) and the second was My Fair Lady. Both very a pleasure to watch for completely different reasons. I love Audrey Hepburn and had wanted to see My fair lady for a long time.
Photo credit: Hokane
2 comments:
I love Audrey as well. Everytime I see 'Breakfast At Tiffany's', I promise myself I wont cry when 'Cat' is thrown out of the taxi!!! But, ofcourse I do. What a moment in a movie and what a reminder for us to love that which is most precious to us. Brenton.
It's always so nice to read your comments. I too loved Breakfast at Tiffany's when I saw it (a long time ago).
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