Fallen Angel
The past 24 hours have been interesting to say the least. I called Calvin last night and as usual our conversation was about gossip and bitching and then it moved to a talk about our past and our ex boyfriends. The topic of discussion shifted to 'the players' -we all know them the ones who can juggle 3 to 4 guys at a time (while someone like me can't even handle one) , the ones that can lie with such conviction that you start to question the truth that you knew for sure. Both of us have had been 'blessed' with a relationship with a 'player' in the past and so we started to exchange notes.
Today was no different either in the evening I bumped into an old acquaintance online. He is someone I used to speak with over the phone while he was with a former fuck buddy of mine. We never met all the time that we talked on the phone. Hobbes (the acquaintance) was really young at that time and that was the reason I was very careful about the stuff we talked about because I didn't want to corrupt someone at that impressionable age. Somehow we lost touch and it was only recently that I found him through Calvin.
Hobbes is now in Melbourne and he is no longer with my fuck buddy. I saw his profile on a social networking website and that was the first time that I saw what he looked like. In his photo album was a picture which was from the time when he had just moved to Melbourne and you could easily see the transformation from the innocent looking guy to the 'player' that he has turned into. I still wouldn't classify him into a player per se because you can still see that streak of innocence in him. I was chatting with him today and it didn't seem like it was the same person I had once known. He reminded me of 'Hussein' a friend of NSSG who too moved to Sydney from India and that changed his like like WOW!!
Hobbes seems like a guy who has built a wall around him after his last relationship fell through. I can identify with the vortex of darkness that one finds themselves in when a relationship that you thought was eternal falls apart just because your partner wanted a new hole to screw. That darkness either engulfs us or it pushes us into rebellion where we would want to change all that we were and all that caused us that heartache and pain. Hobbes seems to have done the latter very successfully and I admire him for that.
We Indians are brought up on a health dose of love stories in movies that always end in happy endings but we are never told how difficult love would be when we grow up. For the gay minority it's even worse and we have no stories to draw inspiration from and no one to tell us to be wary of the 'players'. I take a lot of things at face value and trust what people have to say inspite of experience telling me otherwise. I guess I am a slow learner or idiotically optimistic.
I could relate to a lot of things and situations that Hobbes spoke about and I could see in him the cynicism that has become a way of life for me in the recent past. In a way it scared me because though I know that I would want to be in his shoes having all the fun that he is enjoying at the moment but I know that after a little while it would start to wear off and then I'd find myself in a place I rather not be in. Our chat session ended abruptly but by that time I had started to see glimpses of the Hobbes I knew in him and that was comforting. I hope all goes well for him and that he finds whatever he is looking for. I still have hope for the future......
P.S. Hobbes if you are reading this I would want to say that you are very brave and amazingly awesome and these are just idle rambling of my mind. Please don't let any of this bother you or affect what we have.
Today was no different either in the evening I bumped into an old acquaintance online. He is someone I used to speak with over the phone while he was with a former fuck buddy of mine. We never met all the time that we talked on the phone. Hobbes (the acquaintance) was really young at that time and that was the reason I was very careful about the stuff we talked about because I didn't want to corrupt someone at that impressionable age. Somehow we lost touch and it was only recently that I found him through Calvin.
Hobbes is now in Melbourne and he is no longer with my fuck buddy. I saw his profile on a social networking website and that was the first time that I saw what he looked like. In his photo album was a picture which was from the time when he had just moved to Melbourne and you could easily see the transformation from the innocent looking guy to the 'player' that he has turned into. I still wouldn't classify him into a player per se because you can still see that streak of innocence in him. I was chatting with him today and it didn't seem like it was the same person I had once known. He reminded me of 'Hussein' a friend of NSSG who too moved to Sydney from India and that changed his like like WOW!!
Hobbes seems like a guy who has built a wall around him after his last relationship fell through. I can identify with the vortex of darkness that one finds themselves in when a relationship that you thought was eternal falls apart just because your partner wanted a new hole to screw. That darkness either engulfs us or it pushes us into rebellion where we would want to change all that we were and all that caused us that heartache and pain. Hobbes seems to have done the latter very successfully and I admire him for that.
We Indians are brought up on a health dose of love stories in movies that always end in happy endings but we are never told how difficult love would be when we grow up. For the gay minority it's even worse and we have no stories to draw inspiration from and no one to tell us to be wary of the 'players'. I take a lot of things at face value and trust what people have to say inspite of experience telling me otherwise. I guess I am a slow learner or idiotically optimistic.
I could relate to a lot of things and situations that Hobbes spoke about and I could see in him the cynicism that has become a way of life for me in the recent past. In a way it scared me because though I know that I would want to be in his shoes having all the fun that he is enjoying at the moment but I know that after a little while it would start to wear off and then I'd find myself in a place I rather not be in. Our chat session ended abruptly but by that time I had started to see glimpses of the Hobbes I knew in him and that was comforting. I hope all goes well for him and that he finds whatever he is looking for. I still have hope for the future......
P.S. Hobbes if you are reading this I would want to say that you are very brave and amazingly awesome and these are just idle rambling of my mind. Please don't let any of this bother you or affect what we have.
Photo Credit : Adambomb
2 comments:
Right, it is time for all of you young guys to get 'Husbands' and settle down!!!!!
Well not all of us are as lucky as you Mr Hyde!!! Some of us are born to be lonely and blue!!!
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