Bridget Jones Syndrome
I feel like Bridget Jones at this moment. After looking for someone to go out with and having given up on it now I have a major complication on my hands. I have spoken to you about Hobbes and how we have been spending a lot of time together and fooling around a bit - just some harmless pashing and stuff. I was always guarded because firstly I didn't want to be with someone who is younger than me and secondly because in a few months I'd be in Sydney and he'd be back in Melbourne. I have tried long distance relationships before and I know how they end for me. I am not cut out for the long distance thing. He kisses like WOW and the time that we have spend together has been very sweet and intimate - cuddling and watching movies and lots of pashing. All through we knew that we were living in the moment and that this wasn't something long term.
Things changed when Jughead (Hobbes ex) came into the picture. I had a very bad boy image of Jughead and so I knew that there was no way annything could happen with him. But I felt a certain sense of comfort in his presence when we met. Jughead is from Sydney and so I was talking to him about accommodation and stuff but our closeness caused a rift between Hobbes and Jughead who had been 'friends' after breaking up a few years ago. Things were still OK until I went to Jughead's house for a movie and well something was about to happen but my guilt coupled with the things between Hobbes and me kinda made me turn into an unresponsive corpse or as Jughead put it 'emotionless and cold' and we didn't do anything at all. I tried to talk to Hobbes but I couldn't and Juhead kinda feels that I am like a kid in a candy store who wants it all.
I don't know what to do. I know that Jughead is nice and at the same time I know that he is very attached to his family (which is a good thing in my books) and if they asked him to marry and settle down with a girl they chose he may just go ahead and do it. I know I wouldn't do the same but that a personal choice and I don't wanna judge him for it. But if and when that happens we would have to part ways because I have been in a relationship with a married man once and I don't wanna be caught in the situation again.
I also felt he was very open with discussing intimate sexual details like the role I prefer, how hung I was, was I into kinky stuff etc and I begun to wonder if he really want sex or something more than a one night stand.
The thing is that the way things are I am hurting everyone involved with spending time with either one of them and not seeing the other. I would want to tell Hobbes what is going on in my mind and that I'd want to give it a shot with Jughead and see where it leads but that would mean stopping all the pashing and cuddling with Hobbes and I hope that he doesn't take it as rejection because I wouldn't wanna hurt the kid - he's a sweetheart. I have been called a 'heartless bitch' three time by three different people in the past few days and I am beginning to feel like one. How I wish things weren't complicated and I had someone to talk to about all of this. In a few minutes I am going to be speaking with Hobbes on the phone I would hate to say all of it this way. I wish it was more personal like a one to one conversation.
I'll end the post with something I read on fellow blogger gaykarma's blog : "The greatest battles of our lives are the ones between our hearts and minds."
Things changed when Jughead (Hobbes ex) came into the picture. I had a very bad boy image of Jughead and so I knew that there was no way annything could happen with him. But I felt a certain sense of comfort in his presence when we met. Jughead is from Sydney and so I was talking to him about accommodation and stuff but our closeness caused a rift between Hobbes and Jughead who had been 'friends' after breaking up a few years ago. Things were still OK until I went to Jughead's house for a movie and well something was about to happen but my guilt coupled with the things between Hobbes and me kinda made me turn into an unresponsive corpse or as Jughead put it 'emotionless and cold' and we didn't do anything at all. I tried to talk to Hobbes but I couldn't and Juhead kinda feels that I am like a kid in a candy store who wants it all.
I don't know what to do. I know that Jughead is nice and at the same time I know that he is very attached to his family (which is a good thing in my books) and if they asked him to marry and settle down with a girl they chose he may just go ahead and do it. I know I wouldn't do the same but that a personal choice and I don't wanna judge him for it. But if and when that happens we would have to part ways because I have been in a relationship with a married man once and I don't wanna be caught in the situation again.
I also felt he was very open with discussing intimate sexual details like the role I prefer, how hung I was, was I into kinky stuff etc and I begun to wonder if he really want sex or something more than a one night stand.
The thing is that the way things are I am hurting everyone involved with spending time with either one of them and not seeing the other. I would want to tell Hobbes what is going on in my mind and that I'd want to give it a shot with Jughead and see where it leads but that would mean stopping all the pashing and cuddling with Hobbes and I hope that he doesn't take it as rejection because I wouldn't wanna hurt the kid - he's a sweetheart. I have been called a 'heartless bitch' three time by three different people in the past few days and I am beginning to feel like one. How I wish things weren't complicated and I had someone to talk to about all of this. In a few minutes I am going to be speaking with Hobbes on the phone I would hate to say all of it this way. I wish it was more personal like a one to one conversation.
I'll end the post with something I read on fellow blogger gaykarma's blog : "The greatest battles of our lives are the ones between our hearts and minds."
5 comments:
Glad you were able to relate to and liked something I had written on my blog.
Hope it goes well with Jughead today. And without wanting to sound like a preacher - just wanted to say - let Hobbes/Jughead fight their own heart/mind battles.
Cheers!
I feel like bridget jones too. I love that picture.
I did read about the Bridget Jones thing on your blog too JB. Quite a coincidence!!
Thanks for your comment GK I agree with what you say but seems like their relationship is going down the hill and I hold myself responsible for it in some way!! And to add to that I find Jughead really hot and it's kinda hard to keep myself in control with him when he is all so warm and touchy feely!!
tough call. chances are you'll need to let one go if things ever go further. you are the master of your destiny so leap in and take a chance sometime.
Thanks for dropping in a word Gabriel.
I think the thing I am going to let go of is having anything more than a platonic relationship with both of them so that when I arrive in Sydney I'd be single and ready to mingle :-)
All this is too complicated for me to handle. One of them is overly passive and the other overly aggressive. I need something that's balanced.
Post a Comment