The lonely juggler
I know I haven't been devoting as much time as I have in the past to the blog. It's just that firstly I am bloody busy nowadays and secondly there is not much to write about. Well I am lying, there is a lot to write about but I don't know where to start. Things between Hobbes and Jughead are at a all time low and I don't like being caught up in between of it all. Every time I spend time with one it makes me feel guilty about not seeing the other. I guess I am not the juggling kind. It's not that I want it all as some of you may think. I have very different relationships with both Hobbes and Jughead and I wish I was able to tell both of them what the other meant to me.
With Hobbes our conversations are more general as one would have with a gay friend revolving around us and his experiences in Melbourne and occasionally about past relationships and heartbreaks. He is always very happy go lucky kinds and very very melodramatic and bollywoodish in a good way though. I enjoy it all and it's nice to be in touch with the Y generation. Jughead and I come from almost the same social and cultural milieu and family background and hence our conversations revolve around families and the ironical fate of a gay guy in a Punjabi family. The comfort level that Jughead shares with me when he discusses his family makes me wanna share my stories with him too and that is what make the relationship what it is.
In between all this I also caught up with Mr Oz online and we had a long conversation. Things seemed to have settled down with him about the end of our relationship and he seemed much more accepting and open in his conversation. I felt bad that after our last conversation he went through a bad bout of depression to which he has always been very susceptible. He seems to have recovered from that as of now.
I have so many people all around me who I can share time with but I somehow feel very lonely and misunderstood. At times I feel I am turning into the very person I hate the most. I have started to see in my behavior some strains of the things I hated in Mr Big and that wants me to just get up and run away from all this to someplace where I could figure it all out for myself and maybe that gives all people concerned the time to patch up things amicably.
With Hobbes our conversations are more general as one would have with a gay friend revolving around us and his experiences in Melbourne and occasionally about past relationships and heartbreaks. He is always very happy go lucky kinds and very very melodramatic and bollywoodish in a good way though. I enjoy it all and it's nice to be in touch with the Y generation. Jughead and I come from almost the same social and cultural milieu and family background and hence our conversations revolve around families and the ironical fate of a gay guy in a Punjabi family. The comfort level that Jughead shares with me when he discusses his family makes me wanna share my stories with him too and that is what make the relationship what it is.
In between all this I also caught up with Mr Oz online and we had a long conversation. Things seemed to have settled down with him about the end of our relationship and he seemed much more accepting and open in his conversation. I felt bad that after our last conversation he went through a bad bout of depression to which he has always been very susceptible. He seems to have recovered from that as of now.
I have so many people all around me who I can share time with but I somehow feel very lonely and misunderstood. At times I feel I am turning into the very person I hate the most. I have started to see in my behavior some strains of the things I hated in Mr Big and that wants me to just get up and run away from all this to someplace where I could figure it all out for myself and maybe that gives all people concerned the time to patch up things amicably.
2 comments:
Maybe your upcoming trip to Sydney is good timing then. Of course, you will still have Jughead around once here....won't u?
Very cliche to say - time is the greatest healer.
Good luck!
Thanks GK!!
Yes Jughead would arrive in Sydney about a month later or so. But we are already beginning to lose the flow of things and that is kinda sad.
Anyways as you said "Time is the greatest healer"
Thanks.
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