Harem
I wrote about it yesterday that it was Mr. Big's birthday. When we were together all of his family and all of mine except for my dad accepted the relationship. That was one of the best things about the relationship. I believe that your family liking your partner brings much more happiness into the relationship. When we broke up I still kept in touch with his wife and he kind of kept in touch with my mum. Every year he comes home on my mum's birthday and mother day's to wish her and give her presents. My mum too still is very fond of him and so today she too had to go wish him. I was dreading the thought of bumping into Mr Big today but couldn't help it and had to take mum to meet him.
I left her outside his house and told her that I'd pick her up in a little while. When I came to pick her up he was there outside the house with mum. We shared an awkward hello and I wished him. To which he replied by being cheeky and asking for a gift. My reply to it was that he didn't deserve one. That was it we said bye and I left with mum. Not so bad after all. In the beginning when the relationship had just got over every time I saw him I just wanted to bite his head off his neck spew fire at him.
It better now, just awkwardness and cold distance. It's strange when I think about it. He is the person I had felt the closest to and until today I haven't opened that much to anyone. And now I can't stand his presence in the same room as me. I think that has always been the problem with me. When I have loved I have loved with all my heart and unconditionally (to a great extent) but I don't forgive or forget easily. I have never been able to be friends with my exes. I think it's something to do with my childhood the abuse and feeling of dejection.
Every time a relationship ends it brings back the feeling of dejection and the rage. I have blocked out my entire childhood and until I don't deal with it I don't think I'd be normal. I believe that when I do find the one person I am supposed to be with he may be able to help me deal with my demons. I know many of you must be thinking why doesn't he see a therapist instead. Call me old fashioned but that is one of the things I would look for in my partner not blonde hair, blue eyes, 6 pack abs and stuff (but it would be nice though).
The day didn't end on a very bright note too. Mum wasn't well so I was making some chicken soup for her and I remembered I had to feed Sufi . I went outside to feed her and saw her devouring a pigeon. It made me feel sick. The pigeon was still alive but Sufi had kinda eaten half of it. I put the pigeon into a bag and dumped her outside the house and Sufi was slapped for the first time. I felt bad later I realized that something dogs do, eat birds and there was no point being angry at Sufi. The same way I can't be angry with Mr Big for cheating on me. He was married when we started to date and if he could cheat on 'O' (his wife) who is the most amazing woman I have ever met (and also my best friend now) what would would have stopped him from cheating on me? It runs in his family. He has blue blood running through his veins and his ancestors have known to have had harems. Maybe that's what he wanted from me, a trophy to add to his harem.
I left her outside his house and told her that I'd pick her up in a little while. When I came to pick her up he was there outside the house with mum. We shared an awkward hello and I wished him. To which he replied by being cheeky and asking for a gift. My reply to it was that he didn't deserve one. That was it we said bye and I left with mum. Not so bad after all. In the beginning when the relationship had just got over every time I saw him I just wanted to bite his head off his neck spew fire at him.
It better now, just awkwardness and cold distance. It's strange when I think about it. He is the person I had felt the closest to and until today I haven't opened that much to anyone. And now I can't stand his presence in the same room as me. I think that has always been the problem with me. When I have loved I have loved with all my heart and unconditionally (to a great extent) but I don't forgive or forget easily. I have never been able to be friends with my exes. I think it's something to do with my childhood the abuse and feeling of dejection.
Every time a relationship ends it brings back the feeling of dejection and the rage. I have blocked out my entire childhood and until I don't deal with it I don't think I'd be normal. I believe that when I do find the one person I am supposed to be with he may be able to help me deal with my demons. I know many of you must be thinking why doesn't he see a therapist instead. Call me old fashioned but that is one of the things I would look for in my partner not blonde hair, blue eyes, 6 pack abs and stuff (but it would be nice though).
The day didn't end on a very bright note too. Mum wasn't well so I was making some chicken soup for her and I remembered I had to feed Sufi . I went outside to feed her and saw her devouring a pigeon. It made me feel sick. The pigeon was still alive but Sufi had kinda eaten half of it. I put the pigeon into a bag and dumped her outside the house and Sufi was slapped for the first time. I felt bad later I realized that something dogs do, eat birds and there was no point being angry at Sufi. The same way I can't be angry with Mr Big for cheating on me. He was married when we started to date and if he could cheat on 'O' (his wife) who is the most amazing woman I have ever met (and also my best friend now) what would would have stopped him from cheating on me? It runs in his family. He has blue blood running through his veins and his ancestors have known to have had harems. Maybe that's what he wanted from me, a trophy to add to his harem.
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