Mommy dearest
I think of all the people I know loosing my mum would be the most terrible thing ever. During my relationship with Mr Big I ignored everyone that mattered to me my parents, friends, family. My mum went through a cardiac arrest during that time but I was so caught up dealing with Big who was cheating and lying while I with my mum in the hospital. I couldn't give my 100% to her when she most deserved it. But when the relationship ended she was there to accept me with open arms. That is when I truly understood the importance of a loving family. I have not 'come out' to my family but they have known two of the people I have been with. I think they still believe that it is only a phase and would pass.
Mum is really understanding and she has been very supportive. She has a lot of love to give and whenever I have introduced my partners to her she has accepted them and showered them with so much love that sometimes I start to think that my partners were with me only because of her. Dad on the other hand is like most dads, he has always been silent with regards to my sexuality and I know that he never has and never will accept it. But I know that inside that stubborn exterior is a heart that dotes on me and that he has always wanted me to be happy.
But now I am at a fork in life where I may have to choose between them and living a life without having to lie to everyone around me and follow my dreams. I know they are both saddened by it and I fell guilty at times. I was talking to 'O' today and she told me that when mum was with her and Big yesterday she was kinda sad while talking about me. I felt really hurt when 'O' told me that mum said she had been very tensed because of the current situation. It was very painful to hear that and much more because she said it to Big who must be really happy to know of my miseries.
Yesterday when I had to go leave mum at his place I got all scrubbed, polished and wore something really nice to cover the sadness inside me and my mum just went there and kinda put the naked me in front of Big to ridicule.
Hmm... I sometimes feel that mum is quite a drama company so I took the whole episode in my stride. Well the week is about to end and I hope that the next week brings in more blessings and clarity into my life.
Mum is really understanding and she has been very supportive. She has a lot of love to give and whenever I have introduced my partners to her she has accepted them and showered them with so much love that sometimes I start to think that my partners were with me only because of her. Dad on the other hand is like most dads, he has always been silent with regards to my sexuality and I know that he never has and never will accept it. But I know that inside that stubborn exterior is a heart that dotes on me and that he has always wanted me to be happy.
But now I am at a fork in life where I may have to choose between them and living a life without having to lie to everyone around me and follow my dreams. I know they are both saddened by it and I fell guilty at times. I was talking to 'O' today and she told me that when mum was with her and Big yesterday she was kinda sad while talking about me. I felt really hurt when 'O' told me that mum said she had been very tensed because of the current situation. It was very painful to hear that and much more because she said it to Big who must be really happy to know of my miseries.
Yesterday when I had to go leave mum at his place I got all scrubbed, polished and wore something really nice to cover the sadness inside me and my mum just went there and kinda put the naked me in front of Big to ridicule.
Hmm... I sometimes feel that mum is quite a drama company so I took the whole episode in my stride. Well the week is about to end and I hope that the next week brings in more blessings and clarity into my life.
P.S. Thanks for your email Brenton. You are the inspiration behind this post.
Photo Credit: Lawrencew
2 comments:
I"m a total mama's boy too
Ahhh I think I already figured that out while reading your blog. And when your mum is been such a pillar of strength you cannot help but admire her.
I just got you comment so it means we are online at the same time!!!!
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