Birth, Disease, Death and LOVE

Picture Credit : RayRay2

These have been the themes in my life in the days that I have been absent from the blogging world. I am not the kinds who would share the bad news first so am going to start with the good news (or maybe on 2nd thoughts it's not). My sister had a baby girl so that makes me a proud uncle of a sweet little niece who I am dying to hold in my arms. But now I am no longer the child of the family. I think I can live with that. I can't be jealous of someone so adorable. I just saw her first pictures - My little princess.

On a completely different note I had a brush with disease. I had a pretty serious bout of flu but couldn't take off from work as it was a very busy week and the kitchen wouldn't have functioned without atleast two of us. So inspite of the bad health I sucked it up and went to work after having been at school all day. It feels like I am paying a price for all those lazy days back home. I miss all the pampering I would have got if I was home with mum. 

Today while I was still struggling with the flu and getting ready for work I got a call from Jeremy's mom. It's the house that I used to at as a helper with a boy with cerebral palsy. My friend who had introduced me to the couple and also worked with the boy had a migraine attack and seizure. I couldn't afford to skip work so made a few calls and left for work. But I felt a great sense of guilt because this friend had confessed to having some strong feelings for me. His confession had taken me aback and I had started to keep my distance. I could feel the sadness and desperation in his voice and text in the last few weeks but had tried to keep my resolve and distance. I wondered that if this distance was the reason for stress that lead to the migraine attack. I did see him after work but I am still not over the guilt.

Moving on to the third theme - Death. I have never been able to deal with death. I have never seen a dead body except of my grandfather and it didn't stir any emotions in me cause we weren't close but seeing my mum cry did make me choke on my tears. The same thing happened when I heard about my uncle's death last month. It didn't cause any emotional disturbance except for the remorse for my aunt who I felt would be left all alone in a foreign country. It got me thinking why I don't react too strongly like most people with regards to death. Am I emotionally that numb that I have stopped to feel the pain of loss for myself and for other people? I remember the time my friend's father passed away I kept hiding from him even though we were neighbours. I didn't know what I should say or do when I see him and that is the way its always has been. It doesn't scare me as much as the idea of not feeling any emotions that kinda freaks me out. It reminds me of the character from "Angels in America" (one of my favourite mini series ever) who leaves his boyfriend after his health starts to deteriorate due to AIDS. 

Hmm.. and now to the last and the most important theme - LOVE. Well there isn't much to write home about but atlast it seems like there is someone who has caught my attention. Sadly things are complicated as always but I am enjoying the intellectual and mental stimulation that the present company is providing. But sadly it seems like that is all that it's going to be but I am making the most of the moment without thinking too much about the repercussions. if any??!!