Forgetful me
This is one of the gifts in question. It was not meant to be worn as a piece of jewelery but supposed to be like a souvenir he could use in a key chain but when Mr Oz gave it back, just to rub it in I wore it around my neck. I don't normally wear any jewelery but like to collect pieces I like especially in Turquoise. I got quite a few compliments from people in Bali about the workmanship of the piece and I think that upset Mr Oz and I really enjoyed it. Yes, that is my hairy chest!!
I am so very dumb. The last post was to be about patching up and among other things I was supposed to talk about Mr Oz but I completely forgot about it and went on with giving a sermon on relationships!!!Just a recap, Mr Oz is someone I met online around Christmas. We used to chat online for hours and started to like each other a lot, decided to meet and ended up meeting in Bali for 14 days. The romance went off well for the first few days. The conversations were stimulating and the sex was OK as opposed to intimate and passionate. We took baths together, scrubbed each others backs, made out in the pool, walked on the beach, even climbed a volcano!!! On Valentine's Day I gave him a few gifts which upset him. He didn't give me the exact reason for it bit gave some confusing statements like he only like thoughtful gifts and they were in contrast to his culture and believes!!
The gifts in question were a pair of silver and Turquoise cuff links and a engraved piece of Turquoise depicting the Goddess Tara. They were supposed to remind him of me for at times when we weren't together. Turquoise is my favourite stone and Buddhism and spirituality are things I hold close to my heart. But to him they were just unthoughtful and maybe even Pagan. I also read to him a page from my diary about my thoughts when I had spoken to him for the first time (we had talked about it during our chat sessions and he said someday he'd want to know about it and that's the reason I read it to him) and there was also a shirt that I picked up for him from my favourite store in India. He returned all the gifts at first but later accepted the shirt.
That was not all. He also lost his temper a few times when we'd not be able to make up our mind on the place to eat or visit. He said it made us look like the quintessential gay couple who can never make up their minds!?! I gave him the option to part ways but he said he wanted us to stay together for the entire vacation. One time he deliberately flirted with our tour driver completely ignoring me and later confessing that he knew it hurt me!! Another time he was to see one of his local friends and asked me to come along. I said that I'd be comfortable staying back while he met his friends as I didn't want to intrude but he felt otherwise. His friend was really fascinated with India movies and history so we got talking and this upset Mr Oz and he once again threw a tantrum once we were back at the hotel as he felt I took away the little time that he had to spend with his friend. But by the end of the trip things went back to normal and we parted with tears in our eyes and quite a few sweet memories.
Once we reached home there was the sadness of coming back to normal life and the absence of the other. We both felt very depressed but did keep in touch. I rarely got messages from him and the replies to the ones I send were usually very formal and impersonal. I called him a few times so that he knows that I am still there for him. He felt better after about a few weeks of anti depression medication and we chatted a few times. He shifted to a new house and didn't have access to internet so we haven't chatted since then. I decided to give him his space and always replied to his messages which came once every fortnight or so. When my application to Univ of Melbourne got rejected I told him about it and ever since the messages are even further apart.
I got a message from him today saying "Just thinking of u my dear friend and letting you know ur loved. I have bought a new house. Going to Adelaide to visit parents this weekend. Take care. Miss u xx"
Now I don't know what to think about this message. I have a very bad track record of trying to be friends with my ex and I'd like to change it. So in case you are reading this Paul lets forgive and forget and try to start things on a new page with no expectations and no compulsions. This is me trying to be friends with someone I have a failed relationship with, a first for me. I hope you understand me for once.
The gifts in question were a pair of silver and Turquoise cuff links and a engraved piece of Turquoise depicting the Goddess Tara. They were supposed to remind him of me for at times when we weren't together. Turquoise is my favourite stone and Buddhism and spirituality are things I hold close to my heart. But to him they were just unthoughtful and maybe even Pagan. I also read to him a page from my diary about my thoughts when I had spoken to him for the first time (we had talked about it during our chat sessions and he said someday he'd want to know about it and that's the reason I read it to him) and there was also a shirt that I picked up for him from my favourite store in India. He returned all the gifts at first but later accepted the shirt.
That was not all. He also lost his temper a few times when we'd not be able to make up our mind on the place to eat or visit. He said it made us look like the quintessential gay couple who can never make up their minds!?! I gave him the option to part ways but he said he wanted us to stay together for the entire vacation. One time he deliberately flirted with our tour driver completely ignoring me and later confessing that he knew it hurt me!! Another time he was to see one of his local friends and asked me to come along. I said that I'd be comfortable staying back while he met his friends as I didn't want to intrude but he felt otherwise. His friend was really fascinated with India movies and history so we got talking and this upset Mr Oz and he once again threw a tantrum once we were back at the hotel as he felt I took away the little time that he had to spend with his friend. But by the end of the trip things went back to normal and we parted with tears in our eyes and quite a few sweet memories.
Once we reached home there was the sadness of coming back to normal life and the absence of the other. We both felt very depressed but did keep in touch. I rarely got messages from him and the replies to the ones I send were usually very formal and impersonal. I called him a few times so that he knows that I am still there for him. He felt better after about a few weeks of anti depression medication and we chatted a few times. He shifted to a new house and didn't have access to internet so we haven't chatted since then. I decided to give him his space and always replied to his messages which came once every fortnight or so. When my application to Univ of Melbourne got rejected I told him about it and ever since the messages are even further apart.
I got a message from him today saying "Just thinking of u my dear friend and letting you know ur loved. I have bought a new house. Going to Adelaide to visit parents this weekend. Take care. Miss u xx"
Now I don't know what to think about this message. I have a very bad track record of trying to be friends with my ex and I'd like to change it. So in case you are reading this Paul lets forgive and forget and try to start things on a new page with no expectations and no compulsions. This is me trying to be friends with someone I have a failed relationship with, a first for me. I hope you understand me for once.
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